Unique Pain of Friendship Breakups and 5 Ways To Cope With It

Introduction

Friendships are often considered the bedrock of our social lives, providing emotional support, shared experiences, and a sense of belonging. Unlike romantic relationships, which are often expected to evolve or end, friendships are presumed to be enduring. However, when friendships breakup happens, the emotional toll can be profound, sometimes surpassing the pain of romantic breakups.

 

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The Unique Pain of Friendship Breakups

Why is this pain unique-

1. Lack of Societal Acknowledgment

Romantic breakups are widely recognized and supported through societal norms, rituals, and resources. In contrast, friendship breakups often lack such acknowledgment, leading to a form of disenfranchised grief. This term refers to grief that is not socially recognized or validated, making it harder for individuals to process their emotions. As Dr. Marisa G. Franco notes, “Friendship breakups trigger disenfranchised grief, the grief we feel when others see our loss as illegitimate” .

2. Absence of Closure

Friendships often end without clear communication or resolution. Unlike romantic relationships, which may have defined conversations about ending the relationship, friendships can fade away or end abruptly without explanation. This lack of closure can leave individuals with lingering questions and unresolved emotions, making it difficult to move on .

3. Deep Emotional Bonds

Friendships, especially long-term ones, involve deep emotional connections built over years of shared experiences. The loss of such a bond can feel like losing a part of oneself. Clinical psychologist Dr. Khristin Highet explains that close friendships provide significant emotional support and connectedness, and their loss can lead to feelings of isolation and frustration .

4. Identity and Self-Worth

Friends often play a crucial role in shaping our identity and self-perception. When a friendship ends, it can disrupt one’s sense of self and lead to questioning of self-worth. As noted in the Times of India, “Friends play a vital role in shaping our identity, reflecting back to us who we are and validating our sense of self” .

5. Societal Expectations of Permanence

Society often promotes the idea that friendships are meant to last forever, leading to unrealistic expectations. When a friendship ends, it can feel like a personal failure. Aditi Jasra, a clinical counselor, points out that “when a close friendship ends abruptly, it can shatter the belief in the enduring nature of these relationships” .

Psychological Factors Contributing to the Pain

Some psychological factors that influence it are-

1. Attachment Styles

An individual’s attachment style can influence how they cope with friendship breakups. Those with anxious attachment styles may experience heightened distress, fearing abandonment and rejection. Conversely, individuals with avoidant attachment styles might suppress their emotions, leading to unresolved grief. Securely attached individuals are generally better equipped to process and recover from such losses .

2. Ambiguous Loss

Friendship breakups often fall into the category of ambiguous loss, where there is no clear closure or understanding of the reasons behind the separation. This ambiguity can complicate the grieving process, making it harder to find resolution and peace .

3. Social Media’s Role

In the digital age, social media can exacerbate the pain of friendship breakups. Seeing former friends’ posts and updates can serve as constant reminders of the lost relationship, hindering the healing process. Additionally, the curated nature of social media can lead to comparisons and feelings of inadequacy .

Coping Strategies and Healing

Someways to cope with it include-

1. Acknowledge and Validate Your Feelings

Recognize that your grief is valid. Allow yourself to feel the pain without judgment. Understanding that friendship breakups can be as impactful as romantic ones is the first step toward healing .

2. Seek Support

Talk to trusted friends, family members, or mental health professionals about your feelings. Sharing your experience can provide comfort and perspective, helping you process the loss more effectively .

3. Engage in Self-Reflection

Reflect on the friendship and its end. Consider what you learned from the relationship and how it has contributed to your personal growth. This introspection can aid in finding meaning and closure .

4. Establish Boundaries

If continued contact with the former friend is painful, consider setting boundaries to protect your emotional well-being. This might include limiting social media interactions or avoiding certain social settings .

5. Focus on Personal Growth

Use this time to invest in yourself. Pursue hobbies, set new goals, and engage in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. Focusing on personal development can help rebuild your sense of self and confidence .

Conclusion

Friendship breakups are a profound form of loss that can deeply affect one’s emotional and psychological well-being. The lack of societal acknowledgment, combined with the deep bonds and shared histories inherent in friendships, can make their dissolution particularly painful. By understanding the unique challenges posed by friendship breakups and employing effective coping strategies, individuals can navigate the grieving process and emerge with renewed strength and self-awareness.

 

References

Franco, M. G. (2022). Why It’s So Hard to Grieve Friend Breakups. Psychology Today. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/platonic-love/202207/why-its-so-hard-to-grieve-friend-breakups

Highet, K. (2023). Why does a friendship breakup feel so much worse than a romantic one? The Daily Telegraph. Retrieved from https://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/lifestyle/friendship-breakup-dr-khristin-highet/news-story/74d14f0e081d66b304963a85413489d3

Yankovich, G. (2024). Friendship Breakups Can Be Just As Painful as Romantic Ones. Teen Vogue. Retrieved from https://www.teenvogue.com/story/friendship-breakups-can-be-just-as-painful-as-romantic-ones-heres-why

Jasra, A. (2023). Why Friendship Breakups Can Hurt Worse Than Romantic Ones. Glam. Retrieved from https://www.glam.com/1307971/why-friendship-breakups-hurt-worse-romantic-ones/

Zarrabi, R. (2024). 6 Reasons Friendship Breakups Are So Hard. Psychology Today. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mindful-dating/202311/6-reasons-friendship-breakups-are-so-hard

On Your Mind Counselling. (n.d.). Why Friendship Breakups are so Painful, and How to Move Forward. Retrieved from https://www.onyourmindcounselling.com/why-friendship-breakups-are-so-painful-and-how-to-move-forward

Begin Boundless. (n.d.). Friendship Breakups: Why They Hurt So Much & How to Heal From Them and Move On. Retrieved from https://www.beginboundless.com/post/friendship-breakups-why-they-hurt-so-much-and-how-to-heal-from-them-and-move-on

The Medium. (n.d.). Friendship breakups: we need to talk about it. Retrieved from https://themedium.ca/friendship-breakups-we-need-to-talk-about-it/

Elle Canada. (n.d.). Why Do Friendship Breakups Hurt So Much? Retrieved from https://www.ellecanada.com/culture/society/friendship-breakup-how-to-heal

The Cut. (2024). Exactly Why Are Friendship Breakups So Brutal? Retrieved from https://www.thecut.com/article/friendship-breakups-pain-explained-psychology.html